Shiraha no ya ga tachishi mono
by Ki-no-Shirayuki
Summary: Glimpses of the life of the saniwa, Professor Shiraha Yadachi, head of the Shiraha-no-Yashiki Citadel.


_Human names are written surname-first except certain cases._

oOo

General has skipped breakfast for the fifth time this month.

It's not the first time this has happened in our Citadel, known formally as the Shiraha-no-Yashiki, based in the Motoshiro district, Fujinomiya city, Shizuoka prefecture. It's only sort of expected when the head of this place is also a university professor; giving lectures inbetween overseeing operations to prevent the Battle of Sekigahara from being retconned out of the timeline, General isn't the person with the most free time on their hands. Add to that having to grade the dreadful papers that write Katsura Kogorō with the wrong kanji _again_, sometimes even late into the night, among other things, and Midare once wondered why they don't just retire from their teaching job to fully focus on their duty as our commander (to which I responded, "Part of the problem will be solved if you just stopped trying to wreck havoc and driving them insane at every opportunity").

They don't want to mooch off the government, they say.

Even if they are responsible for leading the protection of history, they are still practically paid by the government using taxpayers' money to sit in a fancy warlord castle giving orders, which to them is "unforgivable". That's why they have no intention of giving up the day job they have been working since before they took up the responsibility, the job they wanted and achieved through blood and tears. They still want to reap the fruit of their own labor and be a contributing member of society by using the additional knowledge they gain working with historical artifacts and preserving historical events in their teaching and researches, they say. "Besides, it's the prestigious Shizuoka University. How cool is that?" they also add.

And so, Midare thinks them the greatest master to ever exist, while Dōdanuki calls them a "stupid workaholic" with "pride way up in the clouds". As for me, I have no comment. I'm in no business to pass judgement on anyone's career choices. But, if said career choice is causing General to skip meals this many times, you can't help but seriously worry for their health. That, and how obviously bummed Mitsutada is having meticulously prepared that perfect sunny-side-up egg only to have General turn it down.

"You worry too much, Yagen." Nansen, their current secretary, tells me with a stuffed mouth when I come to tidy up General's room, "Now that master's off to work, why don't you hurry your ass up and start cleaning this place before they come home?"

"Hey, who tells you you can eat their egg?!" I say, "Besides, last I checked, you're on laundry duty. Why don't you start doing _your_ work too while we're at it? You know what, I'm really starting to wonder your capability of being General's secretary right now if you keep helping yourself to their food and fool around in their room while they're at work, among other things, rather than doing anything remotely secretary-like!"

All he has to say about that is a half-grumble, half-purr before shoving the last of the egg into his mouth.

* * *

"Yagen! Yagen!" Shinano basically jumps at me and cries the moment I'm steps away from the door to the common room. In one of his hands is a fan with the words "Go General Go" written in bright neon colors (with General written in the kanji that means "the Taishō period" instead) and in his other hand a lightstick, "You're just in time! General is on TV! Hurry up, the show's just started!"

_This is not the first time they're on TV. I've watched the shows they've appeared in more times than I can count. Besides, it's no idol show; just some historical documentary, which you don't even need to watch because you get to go back in time to experience the events on a regular basis, that will have you nodding off in five minutes_, I'm about to say to him, but I'm hell-to-the-fucking tired of the _but I'm the treasure waaah_ bullshit he dishes out at me every time I disagree with him, so I just have to let him drag me into the common room.

It is also because of this very reason that I once ended up letting him borrow my allowance to buy that book General penned – _Hitofuri: The History, Techniques and Secret of Japanese Swordsmithing_ – only to never open to the first page. I still haven't forgiven him for this.

We aren't the only viewers of the show tonight. Already a handful of our brothers, including Ichi-nī, are situated before the large screen, along with Izuminokami. I later find out why – the show is aired on NHK World, making Izuminokami, the only sword in the Citadel with any proficiency in English _at all_, have to be the interpreter. I neither have anything to say about the show (beside the channel's annoying habit of dubbing over Japanese dialogue as usual, but again, the channel is for foreigners) or Izuminokami's translating, but I'd be damned if I say I don't feel any modicum of _pride_ seeing our General on _international_ television with the caption in Latin letters that take me a while to decipher – Prof. Yadachi Shiraha – below their face.

* * *

Woe betide you if you're a touken danshi and your beloved Professor-General decides they want you to speak at that seminar they will also be speaking at.

Ichi-nī and I had the honor of attending one such event once, the The True Samurai seminar in Tokyo. No, my beef isn't with the lecture itself – though I couldn't help but notice some of the audience paying more attention to my legs than what I had to say about the role of tantō and how they're not any less important than katana – but with the journey there and back. Hoo boy, where do I even _begin_?

Calling the sheer crowd at the station when the three of us were about to board a train to Tokyo a _nightmare_ would be an understatement. I wonder how General could emerge relatively unscathed from the sea of people pushing and squeezing the breath out of you mercilessly while Ichi-nī and I thought we were going to be suffocated to death, _twice_ I might add. Ichi-nī had it worse – having his toenail broken being accidentally stepped on on the ride back home, and I could tell he had to keep from crying out in pain like on a battlefield. It's just everyday stuff, General says. It's something we swords who never have to commute to work will never understand, I guess. One thing I'm totally, absolutely, one-hundred-percent sure of – we will _never_ let them invite any of our brothers to any seminars after that.

* * *

General is uncharacteristically _grumpy_ today, and we all know what this means – their father has just contacted them only to pester them again.

Shiraha Masafumi, current head priest of the Fujisan Hongū Sengen Taisha, is frankly not the nicest father on Earth and is the reason a lot of us are afraid to go to his shrine for New Year. Apparently being a ShizuDai professor and historical researcher who has appeared on national _and_ international television as well as appointed by the government to safeguard the flow of history is not enough for him. He wants his child to "pick a gender and stick with it" (they already have – agender) and "start a family like a normal person" (they are asexual and obviously can't afford to start a family) if they want anything to do with him. It's those things over and over and over again everytime he contacts General, and it seems all this pestering isn't going to stop soon.

And yet, General never makes any attempt to retaliate.

They don't play _tsukkomi_ to him. They don't cut communication with him. They don't even so much as _grimace_ when their father calls just to gripe again. "Annoying as he is, I owe him a great deal." they finally say, "He was divorced when I was very young, and for him to raise me on his own for all that time, it's nothing short of great. Besides, he _let_ me take up the work of being the head of the Citadel and the commander of you all. That's the best I can ever hope for. Also, he heads the _Sengen Taisha_. How cool is that?"

* * *

General isn't the type to get annoyed easily, and will stay that way as long as we don't bring up the ultimate taboo subject in the Shiraha-no-Yashiki Citadel within their earshot – the Guy in the Convenience Store.

Known officially as Miyamura Makoto, the guy so nicknamed for his habit of shopping in the convenience store near our place often coincidentally at the same time General is there, is a ShizuDai alumnus and former student of theirs. At first glance, this guy doesn't seem all that bad – a Tennen Rishin-ryū instructor and perpetual kimono wearer with a face so pretty he sends Midare running for his money, a fairly nice and mild-mannered guy who idolizes General. A _lot_. He's seemingly unable to stop gushing about how his former history professor greatly inspired him to learn more about and take up the art of the sword in the first place and how successful he is as a martial arts instructor thanks to them every time the two of them are within each other's earshot. But again, General _despises_ this guy not without a reason.

He is no stranger to the Sengen Taisha, and eventually its head priest. Neither General nor we know the exact reason, but apparently the head priest has taken a liking to the guy and isn't afraid to say to his child's face that he wishes they could be as illustrious, proper and upstanding as "Miyamura-kun" and wonders why they can educate such a "perfect young man" yet fail to become one themself. And – this is especially bad – that _Miyamura is the child he's never had_.

Of course, that one remark was the last straw for General which, as I hear from Nansen, drove them to flat-out send the guy a Twitter message calling him an "evil sorry excuse for a human being" and telling him to "permanently disappear from their life". Of course, when that got out, the result was exactly what I expected it – their father showing up in person in the Citadel slapping them across the face threatening to report their "harassment" to ShizuDai higher-ups so they will lose their job. After the incident, General doesn't dare to breathe one word of malice in the guy's presence and the guy had apologized for cracking General and their father's relationship, but they didn't apologize for the hate-filled message.

And they never will.

* * *

General's appearing on TV is one thing, but the TV crew's _actually coming to the Citadel to film_ is another thing entirely.

Let's just say that that time the Japanology Plus Z crew arrived at our place was complete and utter _chaos_. One day before filming, when equipment was being set up, Kashū and Jirōtachi frantically chose the best makeup and clothing, Mitsutada applied boatloads of gel on his hair and fixed his tie who knew how many times and Hasebe yelled at everyone to ACT NATURALLY every other second despite the fact that the crew was only setting up equipment then and that they were there to film General, not us. And then came the day of the actual filming…

I accidentally tripped over a banana peel that someone threw on the floor, knocking over the presenter and the cameraman.

I was put in solitary confinement for the rest of that day and no television filming at the Citadel ever takes place again.

* * *

"Come on, what did you wish for?" I hear Shinano chirping to Midare the moment he steps down and I walk up towards the rope of the bell.

"You know it's a secret." Midare answers, seemingly not noticing that I haven't yet made my New Year wish in order to eavesdrop on them. "Now I wonder what Yagen wishes for."

At that, I go ahead, ringing the bell, clapping my hands and making what can be called the cheesiest New Year wish among cheesy New Year wishes – _that our days in the Shiraha-no-Yashiki Citadel will never end_.


End file.
